The Contradiction of This Day

The More

Today I honor two events connected to my life.  The first is the celebration of my mother’s birth day and the second is the celebration and mourning of my father’s transition to the other side of the veil.  This day reminds me of the cycle of existence in that we are born, live and then die again.  Which is parallel to the cycle of nature – Spring = Birth and Creation and Fall = Death and the Harvest or gathering in.  Often times we focus on these two events more than the other two aspects of existence which are Summer = Living and Winter = Reflection and Preparation.  Each phase is important and balanced even though it can be hard to see sometimes.

 

The emotions in me today are fluctuating and at times very tearful.  While I miss my dad’s physical presence, I can feel him in my life every day.  Today is the celebration of life and all of its phases.  Since, I believe, there is only physical death, I choose to honor my parents in the two phases of life that are of great importance; their choice to be born and their choice to move on to their next phase.

 

Lately I’ve had this feeling of loneliness and to be honest I haven’t felt lonely in decades.  Even when I’ve traveled by myself, I always felt connected to someone.  I’ve spent the past ten or so months clearing what no longer serves me from my life.  Most of these “things” have been energetic and emotional programming I’ve received over the past 40 plus years.  And some of the clearing has involved unnecessary material things that is now being donated to others in need. Whatever aspect of the clearing, it’s been a necessary step in my evolution as I transition to my next phase of existence.

 

Up ’til now, I’ve been so focused on the clearing that I’ve not spent much time on knowing what to do with the space that I’ve created.  Initially, I was wanting to fill that space with all the things that I “thought” I wanted instead.  But a funny thing happened in that when I started to fill the space again, I became uncomfortable with myself and felt like I was restricting myself back to where I came from.  This just wasn’t going to do.  So I just stopped!  I decided to let that space just be space, to be nothing at all.  What I found is that the less “stuff” I had filling my life, the more peace and wholeness that I felt.  This was going all fine and dandy, until recently this feeling of loneliness has come up.  My only thought on this so far is that it was coming up on the anniversary of my dad’s passing and also the contradiction of feelings on this day of celebration of my mom’s birth.  It’s hard to know where to go with these feelings even though I try to focus on my dad’s life and the great affect he had on me and so many in his life.

 

So, the great contradiction of this day has come and almost gone, but I think the contradiction really lives on in each day.  The contradiction of living life, being creative and expanding your awareness beyond all limitations or focusing on misery, restrictions, gloom and the impending physical death that will come for all of us.  We never know when the Reaper will come calling for us, just as you might think my dad didn’t know.  From the witness accounts of seeing him that day, he was glowing and full of life and happiness.  I choose to believe that, at some deep level, he really knew it was the day of his return Home and the literal glow that people saw was his True Self beginning to expand out from his physical being.  He would never know the pain of the crash as his Self would already be gone, leaving behind a shell of flesh and bone.  He was going Home and that is where I will see him again.

 

Dwight Raatz

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