Living Like I’m Dying

Why am I living my life like it’s over? I’m realizing more and more that I’ve been preparing for my death, putting my affairs in order for several years now. Why??? I know that I’ve had thoughts of suicide for many years, but mostly those thoughts are few and far between. I mostly have them when I’m hyper stressed or depressed from the state of my life. I recognize these thoughts for what they truly are, an escape from the pain of living. But what good is that? Okay, so I go ahead and end this incarnation, what does that prove, what does it solve? Nothing!!! It’s the easy way out. I’m pissed!!!! What the fuck am I thinking??? If I fail this incarnation, I’m going to just have to repeat the parts I didn’t learn. Suicide is the short cut for this lifetime, but karma will have its due and I will come back to complete the parts I skipped. Do I really want to do this fucking shit again??? No fucking way!!! I’m pissed!!! Get the hell out of my way you sick ass ego – you are not going to screw this up for me you bitch ass punk…!!!

I’m done living life like I’m dying. I’m in my mid-40’s and I realized that I’ve been waiting for my AARP card to come in the mail any day. Done.. I say DONE BITCH!!!

Listening driving rock music, feel the rhythm, the driving fluid frequencies of the music. What are they saying??? I don’t care, it’s the driving frequencies, the rolling rocking fuckin-a music that matters. Connect to the drive and passion of my youth that I’ve denied, that I have suppressed, take it back, establish it, live it – BE IT!!!!

I’m tearing up the will, kicken ass on the proper attire, slip on shoes and hair dye. Take me like you see me… I’m here and no apologies. You got a problem with that??? I didn’t think so…

Dwight Raatz

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