We each have our struggles in life. Many of these struggles are emotional pains that we have experienced at some point and we continue to carry with us each day. These experiences at times have been things that have been done to use from others and some are things that we have done and we feel shame from them. As we live our lives with these pains they not only have a direct effect on how we enjoy and perceive ourselves, but they also have a profound effect on those that love us. Many times we think that the best thing for us to do is keep this pain away from others, that somehow by carrying it all on our own we will protect those around us. The truth is that those who love us, who want to be close, see and feel the pain anyway.
The worst part for them is not that they are affected by it or that they are witnessing the pain even though you may deny it is there; the worst part is that you are denying them the connection with you that they so desperately want. Even if you are going through the shit, it is better that you share your doubts and fears with your loved ones, allow them to comfort you and allow your vulnerability to show them what’s going on. This will help them to at least partially understand and maybe enable them to help. It’s in the sharing, that connects and binds you together. If you continue to shut them out, their own pain will grow unanswered and their desire to be with you lost to time.
The key to relationships has been touted as communication. I’d suggest that it is this, but much more. I believe the key is being completely vulnerable to another and through this vulnerability an open place of communication can form which will create a space for you and others to grow and Know Thyself more fully.
One Reply to “Pointless Protection”
Truth! Makes me think of my life and how I think I am so good at shutting people out by walking away, getting quiet. Thinking if I do this I am “saving” others from having to deal with my dis-ease. Saving myself from the embarrassment and humiliation of “going there” again. Having a hard time looking at my own pain, not wanting anyone else to know how grave the thoughts are. Allowing others to see it too! Interesting how those we love can and do see it, wanting to help and being kept at bay only allows the silence/distance. And so the cycle continues…
Well written my friend!